Negativity Culture Nostalgia Critic
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The Nostalgia Critic's Desperation

Written By: Supreme Leader
Date: July 25, 2019

Imagine thinking of things you enjoyed as a child and because of the nature of the medium you search YouTube to see if anybody is talking about it and you come up with this needledick, The Nostalgia Critic. Soon you're met with a guy who's taking an entire shit on the subject you were being nostalgic about, thus.. he is a critic of these kinds of thoughts. So do you misremember it being good? Maybe. However, it's not just as simple as that. He uses these mediums plus the "angry reviewer" monkier. He's not just like Angry Video Game Nerd, he basically took the idea and said "No, but film and TV". The large difference between the Nostalgia Critic and AVGN is Nostalgia Critic doesn't spur interest in the mediums he criticizes. AVGN might very well be responsible for the resurgence in gaming from days of old that still exists even today.

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Never, and I mean.. never... criticize the 3 Ninjas negatively.

Yearning For The Past Nostalgia Critic has no interest in you enjoying your childhood favourites but instead comes off very serious about what he criticizes, unlike AVGN where you can tell it's a show rather than a review even if you don't "get it" on the first view, you will as you proceed through his series. In fact this knob's tagline is "I watch it, so you don't have to". Shamefully viewers of numerous shows like this use this criticism as a gospel often exclaiming that they won't watch the show because "Nostalgia Critic already reviewed this", so it sucks.. right? No, he uses your cloudy memories against you and is guided by the fact that most people are too lazy to track down these old mediums they enjoyed or in some cases they simply cannot find them on the vast Internet where some people still don't grasp how to use Torrents for out of print media. This guy would claim he's merely a comedy act but he's not conveying this because this guy is indeed as funny as a fucking tumor. He spoils everything he reviews to assure people really have "no need" to watch it.. you already heard it all, right? Fuck this guy. Don't trust people who dickride AVGN because he's too nice to say "no". He went through great lengths to get the attention of his fanbase and even collaborated with him in several videos. AVGN should own this guys balls and dick, tacked to his gaming room wall. Nothing about this guy comes off as a good person.

Demonetized This guy is a desperate prick, likely a drug addict. When YouTube demonetized the shit hole known as "Channel Awesome" he almost lost it in a video where he was basically crying and looking like he was having cocaine withdrawl or an overdose. This article isn't about Channel Awesome, but know it's ran like absolute shit and treated people who worked for the brand like shit. Multiple people have come forth with stories of mistreatment and money mismanagement because they are greedy fucking bastards who shouldn't be supported by anybody and that's putting it fucking NICELY (even a "Change The Channel" campaign was started). They tried to make two of his creators do a RAPE SCENE even though they weren't comfortable. What about this guy's brand needs to have this? Nothing. He's just a piece of shit and that's why this kinda shit was on the table.

The Nostalgia Dick Excuse me while I go on, but never support a guy who'd negatively review 3 Ninjas, Power Rangers, Mortal Kombat, Saved by the Bell, Surf Ninjas, Double Dragon, Super Mario Bros Super Show, The Good Son, Good Burger, Sidekicks (really you mother fucker?), Full House, Gargoyles, Blank Check, Suburban Commando, Cool As Ice, Anything Ernest, The NeverEnding Story II (You got a problem with Jonathan Brandis?), Bio-Dome, Drop Dead Fred, Ninja Turtles, Little Monsters, Rad, etc. In fact, watch all this shit. "You have to, because he said not to." Don't let this lazy prick dictate your opinion on things that are fun. He doesn't understand "fun" + movies. It's like he puts things on a scale that must compare to Citizen Kane or The Godfather: Part II. Some films and TV can be simply fun. It's production is not meant to be the most serious thing in the world. He'd understand this if he knew how to write comedy but he's a fucking hack that made it in on a medium that was just starting to bloom while dickriding a person with actual talent and a fanbase already installed.

The Formula Is Not This Complicated The Doug Walker formula is not complicated, I'll source this next piece from his own "encylopedia dramatica" page:

  • Step 1. Find a movie that everybody knows about and have already critiqued the hell out of. (ex. Batman & Robin)
  • Step 2: Make sure that your review encompasses and completely spoils the entire plotline of said movie; after all, since the movie I'm reviewing sucks, it means we have to make sure EVERYBODY knows what happens to they don't watch it!
  • Step 3. Add a 5-10 minute skit at the beginning of your "review". Don't forget to add a laugh track for comedic effect!
  • Step 4. Nitpick the hell out of said movie. Don't focus on the structure of the writing or development of characters, just bitch about how a character talks or the name of the town they live in!
  • Step 5. Be entirely biased and negative throughout. When a film displays any positive qualities, ignore them and continue to nitpick the hell out of the set design or the way the characters dress up.
  • Step 6. Add 3-minute skit intermissions between your review. Your skit should be laced with overacting and overly-dramatic music.
  • Step 7. ???
  • Step 8. PROFIT!!!!
In the end, there is a garden variety of these kind of assholes. Don't support them. They are fucking assholes and treat people like assholes. Akin to TV, don't habit watch these hacks. It encourages them and they only look at the numbers as a means to develop the idea of what they do is quality or not. Move to shows that have their own ideas, or a spin on something that makes it better, not worse or cultivates a culture of negativity.

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